EMBRACING LENT AND THE DARK
― Martin Luther King, Jr.
I’m a fairly positive person - an optimist at heart - regularly looking for the silver lining in all situations. In fact, my immediate family also tends to look on the bright side of life, seeking the good, true, and beautiful in the everyday. However, I’ve learned that exposure to the dark side of life can help me focus more clearly on the revealed beauty that can only be seen in the dark. God consistently shows up in those dark moments, turning me again and again toward Him - helping me repent and be guided by His light and love.
Lent is a season of self-examination. As Christians, we look inside and observe the darkness, confusion, and sin in our lives and seek to come clean in repentance and renewal with God. Only with the darkness of the crucifixion is it possible to have a glorious resurrection at Easter. So that pattern happens in our own life circumstances – putting our sin to death and allowing our faith in Jesus to rise. This process is critical to gain a mature Christian faith.
If being in the metaphorical dark in order to see God’s light is valuable to each of us as adults, why do we tend to shelter our kids from dark things? I think parents have Mama & Papa bear tendencies, where we put blinders on regarding the benefits of growing in dark seasons, and we actively steer our children toward sunnier skies.
It’s good to want your kids to be happy and healthy! However, as many of us know, happiness is fleeting, and what we truly want is a deep-seated joy that wells up in us no matter the circumstances.
The Apostle Paul has much to say about finding joy in the midst of dark troubles. These verses are only the tip of the iceberg from his writing:
Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. Romans 5:3-5 ESV
Always be joyful. Never stop praying. Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 NLT
Now we certainly don’t want to purposely invite dark situations into our kids’ lives! But rather than be shocked and reactive when challenges come to them, because they certainly will, try to lean into situations with your children, and point up at the light that God provides them during a dark season.
Children of all ages can get narrowly focused on the negative during hard times. So your job as a parent is not only to empathize with their pain, but also to consistently remind them of the bigger picture, of how they are loved, of God‘s presence in the midst of the mess. There can be wonderful variety in how this happens in families. Get creative!
If you know my family, you know we are literature lovers, and we use stories to process the negative. We don’t shy away from HARD, DARK stories. Trust me, it’s much easier to read, watch, or listen to a story and process the lessons learned than to live it out yourself. Missionary stories can be full of overcoming the dark through faith. But we also protect time for our family to talk about hard things we are living in, sharing either one-on-one or as a group.
“I wish it need not have happened in my time.”
“So do I,” said Gandalf, “and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.”
JRR Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring
So inform your kids that life is not all rainbows and unicorns, that dark times will be part of their lives. But commit to walking with them through dark valleys, and equip them with the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God (Ephesian 6:17). Whether it’s by acting out stressful scenarios or talking about their feelings, processing their grief after a crushing loss of any kind, decide with your kids on how to react inside the dark times of life. Ask your child, “Are you only going to wail in the dark or are you also going to search for the stars?”
The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
He makes me lie down in green pastures,
He leads me beside quiet waters,
He refreshes my soul.
He guides me along the right paths
for His name’s sake.
Even though I walk
through the darkest valley,
I will fear no evil,
for You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff,
they comfort me.
Psalm 23:1-4 NIV
Epic families, take the time this Lenten season to embrace the dark with your children, of course in an age-appropriate way. Be confident that our Lord is walking through the darkest valley with you and reach up for His comfort and guidance. It’s through His eyes that we can see the stars.
Grace and peace,
Annikki
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