‍PARENTING: HEALTHY or HAZARDOUS

Have you seen the news today? Apparently the US Surgeon General has issued a warning that parenting can be harmful to your mental health. Woah. That’s a huge statement! Now before you go down a rabbit hole of frustration, self-pity, or indignation about that statement, let’s pull back and think through the bigger picture of parenting and determine how we can take healthy steps along the parenting journey.

Most parents have learned that parenting well results in lost sleep, worry, physical energy output (especially in the early years), constant mental gymnastics and learning about what’s next as these little humans grow into the next phases of their development. Honestly, we ought to earn at least a bachelor’s degree in human development and coaching by the time our child reaches the age of 18! We eagerly hope that all the investment into our beloved progeny has excellent results – that this person is healthy in body & mind, a caring, kind individual  who is an asset to his or her community, and is faithfully growing spiritually, walking in relationship with God.

‍However, parental investment shouldn’t result in harm to our mental health! So what are we doing RIGHT that we should keep on doing, what do we need to STOP doing, and what practices should we ADD so that we can intentionally parent with healthy results for everyone? I would argue that these questions and more can be answered with a response to this ONE question: who does God call us to be as parents?

‍Good news! It’s a simple answer – God calls us to be Jesus followers. That’s it. If we commit to loving and following Jesus, with all our heart, mind, and soul, the parenting steps will fall into place, as we let the Spirit lead. 

‍“ Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.” ~ Mark 12: 30-31 NIV

‍Easier said than done, right? Remember that we cannot do this Jesus following or parenting job alone! In fact, God calls us to live in community, what we refer to as the local church. It’s living life in this imperfect network of people of all ages and stages that we are able to grow our faith muscles and learn how to lead our families as we follow Jesus.

This week I was reminded how Jesus calls us to let Him help! “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” ~ Matthew 11:28-30 NIV

If we befriend at least one other person who cheers us on the mountaintops and walks with us through the valleys of parenting, we feel seen and not so alone. This is an example of Jesus giving us rest from our burdens! With community, it’s easier to make those hard judgment calls on sleep training, or selecting a preschool, or navigating elementary friendship flare-ups, or deciding when to give your teen the car keys. Friends matter. Friends don’t need to be your same age, or navigating the same parenting stage, or really have any other commonality, save one – loving respect. And when they too are committed to following Jesus, you can potentially invite them into your parenting wisdom table.

As you grow in relationship with Jesus, it’s possible your words, presence, encouragement, and more will be able to indelibly impact another person, maybe another parent. You too are part of the community, and you are that friend to others! While I’m not a mental health professional, I’ve had years of anecdotal experiences that tell me that when I show up for others and my family in ways that are healthily interdependent, my mental health flourishes. When I think it all depends on me, that’s when my health tanks. 

So I’d encourage you to phone-a-friend. This is more important than winning a million bucks! Invest a bit of time with your local community, and allow yourself to get involved in the sometimes messy, but always rewarding, learning process of giving to something bigger than yourself. You are bound to find that person who encourages you just when you need to take the next step on your parenting journey. Do life together. Give back to the community. You’ll find that together you can parent in a healthy way so you can leave the hazards in the headlines.  

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Grace and peace,

Annikki

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PS: If you are part of the local SF Epic community, then take a moment to look at our fall groups. Joining a group is one good way to find community! If you don’t see a group that works for your family schedule, then consider talking to our community pastor, Lindsey Lee – she might be able to help you start a group.

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Recommended Book & Website Resources for Parents:

Websites:

• Connected Families – Excellent resource for parent coaching and giving a framework to parent from for all ages
• Axis – My family’s go-to resource to learn more about discussing worldly topics with our kids and teens
• Olive Us – Top-notch encouragement from women from all walks of life as they recount God’s goodness and faithfulness
• Children Ministry Basics – good article with parenting Bible references

‍Books:

• The Emotionally Healthy Leader, Peter Scazzero
• The 3 Big Questions for a Frantic Family, Patrick Lencioni
• Soul Keeping, John Ortberg
• A Non-Anxious Presence, Mark Sayers
• Predictive Parenting, What to Say When You Talk to Your Kids, Shad Helmstetter
• Make Every Day Count, Max Lucado

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What Epic Kids & PreK are learning in September:

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